she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
