overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
