note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
