I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize