i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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