im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
