So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
