yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
