So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
