I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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