His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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