Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
