he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
