im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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