I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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