Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
