An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
