Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
