Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
