In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
