great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
