will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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