Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
