Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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