Porn is love you can see.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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