i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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