He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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