I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
