i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
