I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
