he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
