i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
