i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
