I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
