I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
