New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
