My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
