I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
