We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
