Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
