these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize