Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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