I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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