so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this just has baby written all over it
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize