I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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