Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I love you. Go after that dick
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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