I think my vagina is haunted
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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