yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
