he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
