whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
