Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
