On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
