there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize