the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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