My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
