nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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