Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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