Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
