I just saw a hot homeless man
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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