I am puke
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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