is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
