It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
