god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
