I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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