Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
