either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
