so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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