i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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