I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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