Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
