If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
