Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
