Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
