why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
