and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You're like the curious george of whores
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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