he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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