Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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