It's a beautiful day for a hangover
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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