just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize