Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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