Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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