i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
