oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize