seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
