why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
