I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
