it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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