You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
