When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
