bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
