You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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