why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
