I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
