I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
True strength comes from lack of pants
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
