I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
