I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
