I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
