I want to walk on stilts...naked
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize