from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
