Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
