it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
