is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
