I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
