I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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