on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
