Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
