two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
