genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
