the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
