hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
